Five golden rules for raising children

By Sue Palmer

1 Love. From the moment they’re born and until they’re fully grown, children need to know that their parents really care for them. In the words of developmental psychologist Urie Bronfenbrenner, “Someone’s got to be crazy about that kid. That’s number one. First, last and always.”

I am not understanding why this is a rule. Really it should just be done. If you can't love your child; then you should be giving that child to someone who can. There is no reason for a child to grow up with parents who don't love them. That is going to result in a very messed up child.

2 Discipline. Children need to learn the ropes of day-to-day family life, how to behave beyond the home, and how to abide by the necessary rules of institutions. Adults must set clear boundaries.

There do need to be clear boundaries. If the child ends up running the house, the parents are in for a very long haul. I saw in the mall before Christmas while I was waiting in line something that I just had to shake my head at. A little girl about the same age as Robin wanted a sterling silver heart shaped music box. Her mother said no. The little girl started to throw a tantrum. She started to stomp and scream. Her mother tried to coax her out by telling her that her grandmother had gotten her something from the store already for Christmas. She wouldn't have anywhere in her room to put the music box. The little girl continued to throw her tantrum. Her mother took the music box out of her daughter's hands to place it back on the shelf and pull her out of the store. All the while she reminded her that she would receive a gift for Christmas. The daughter continued her screeching. After all of that, the mother gave in. She told the little girl she could have the music box. She even told her she could have extra songs in the music box. The new struggle was that she wanted the one straight off the shelf and to take it right then and there. It took the mom more bribery to convince the daughter that she would get the music box and it just needs to be finished. It was embarrassing.

These are the actions that turn the child into the boss of the house. There have to be rules and boundaries.

3 Play. Active, imaginative, social play is essential (not sedentary, screen-based entertainment). It is unstructured, preferably outdoors and doesn’t need adult control.

All three have been very imaginative from the very early age. Robin started watching Baby Einstein though when she was a baby. We have theories that it aided in her early talking, reading, etc. We also think it has something to do with her inability to keep attention. She has always been every creative though. Logan and Evie don't watch those videos. They are both very creative though.

4 Communication. This starts with a 'dance of communication’ between parent and babe-in-arms, usually accompanied by babytalk. As they grow into the teenage years, children need loving adults to talk to them, and opportunities to talk (and listen) to friends during play.

We have always talked to our children about everything. I used to walk through the different stores with Robin, when she was a baby, talking to her about all the different things that we passed and what they were for. We talked about their colors and shapes. I did this also with Logan, but not as much. I did it to a greater degree with Evie. We have discussions about many important issues. We try to get through to them importance of family, respect, tolerance, etc.

5 Given these four essential foundations, almost every child should be able to take advantage of education, starting with literacy. But this doesn’t need to start too soon. It is generally agreed that, until the age of six or seven, it’s better to prepare the ground for learning through play and opportunities for spoken language.